Over and Over
I sit disassociated and numb
Between a sleeping cocker spaniel and the noise of the street
I’ve been crying all day and every time I feel like I’ve gotten some sort of closure only to be pulled back to April over and over.
They tell me how well I’ve done. That April’s Spec wouldn’t have believed it.
My car that sits in the drive. The job I have from home. Paying for my mortgage. My food prep and my cleaning.
Words and words I never thought I’d say. Simply pushing on day after day.
If this is what moving on is then I don’t want it. How could I stay in a place most haunted?
Every time I feel like I’ve gotten some sort of closure only to be pulled back to April over and over.
I’m lonely for the touch of Clouds fur and that goofy smile.
I’m lonely for your eyes and warmth of your smile and how your touch could hold me in time.
I’ve filled notebooks of witchcraft and spells, of affirmations and hope. All for your safety, your freedom, your heart, your hope.
Every time I feel like I’ve gotten some sort of closure only to be pulled back to April over and over.
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