For you, always

You’ll get out. I’ve never had more faith in that than now.

I know you don’t recognize your reflection.

I know you’d have hated who you’ve become and I know you hate who you were so there’s no use in being anywhere other than present.

I know it’s torture.

I know that you make it through.

I know that you don’t believe it. I know that you don’t have to.

I will. We will.

Maybe you and I could talk before we write one another off?

Maybe we could both be quiet.

Maybe we could decrease or maybe we could rally our likeminded and fight it.

Maybe we could broadcast our dissent.

Maybe it will hurt.

Maybe it will heal.

Maybe it with mar but

Maybe it will mend.

Maybe I don’t have every answer I thought I did but, God, Damn them, I still have You.

it’s healthy when you and I become we, but we’ve got to keep forgiving.

keep forgiving. that goes for yourself as much as anyone.

keep forgiving. when the memories of what was threaten to shut your heart down, and the laughter you can still hear from the mouths of friends who are no longer around make you wish that you could change the channel.

if you write for everybody, you write for no one, so this will be for you.

keep forgiving as forgiven.

we don’t always get to wear the white hat.

pardon is not always preceded by repentance. in fact, i think it’s exactly the opposite.

if it were not for love, i would have never come back

keep forgiving. you can’t unsee what you’ve seen, but the world is colorful, ferocious and

majestic without small men or straw men or me to blow smoke and mirrors from our machinery.

the toggle switch is reductionistic. let the pin go. decrease.

hate is a prison.

keep forgiving.

keep forgiving me.

i’ve told my stories, but they’re yours.

you may never get your apology. on the day you do, it may not mean a thing.

keep forgiving.

can you be tender enough with yourself to flesh it out? to let the mess be what it is?

we pummeled the constructs to dust and stared at it like, “well, where do we go from here?”

that earth looks a lot like what we’re made of.

self-flagellation is what it is regardless of whether you call it penitent or progressive sanctification.

is the word as retributive as we made him?

she heard my plea for mercy before i knew how to speak it. one morning, in her living room, i tried.

the sunlight shone in through windows that lifted the colors of roses she had dried and hanging upside down in a row against the white on the wall, blood red like a foreshadowing and a sacrament.

i said, “i’m paralyzed. everything that has been so right for so long now just seems so wrong, and

i don’t know how to start over, and i don’t know how to hope for anything beyond the approval of men who, somehow, had me convinced that buying their indulgences was the equivalent of hearing the voice of God.

how do i learn to hear him if they’re gone?”

I’ll practice my patience
While you’re getting wasted
‘Til fate brings you home
I’ll wait through your phases
You’ll shuffle through faces
Like songs in your playlist
‘Til fate brings you home (Home)
I’ll wait through your phases, phases, oh

Hittin’ all the right cues and you’re leaving your mark
But I know that ain’t you (Ain’t you)
You’re just playing your part (Ha-ha), baby, uh
Tryna fit in them shoes, but you take it too far (Too far)
It doesn’t matter where it takes you
I’ll go wherever you are (Oh)

You fuck with her, but we both realized that she was bogus
I’m the one for you, so why do I feel like I go unnoticed
I’m talking more than clothes hittin’ floors
I’m falling off track, but not the rack like a chore
Oh, look, another butterfly, I feel it in my core

Even though you ain’t mine, it’s the fact that I’m yours
It’s the fact that my life ain’t complete without yours

It’s the fact that at night I be tryna ignore
Catching overseas flights just to knock on your door, ’cause
You put my planet in orbit

Star boy, your body’s so solar
Promise you, baby, I’m sober
Just wait ’til you give in and finally come over
I can’t wait to tell you, “I told ya, I told ya, I told ya”

But my choice is you.

So don’t you worry your pretty little mind. People throw rocks at things that shine and life makes love look hard.

The stakes are high. The waters rough. But this love is ours.

My king, by grace or by fate or by luck or by mercy, I trust the moon will carry your letters safely to me. This flood, rescinding, will give way to land, depending, and like the hand of God gave olive leaves to encourage that ancient family…

My dove, with love and sincerity and all that I have to offer,

Your Queen

We let the waters rise
We drifted to survive
I needed you to stay
But I let you drift away

My love, where are you?
My love, where are you?
Whenever you’re ready
Can we surrender?
Whenever you’re ready
Can we surrender?
Can we surrender?

Can we surrender?
Can we surrender?
Can we surrender?
Can we surrender?
I surrender

No one will win this time
I just want you back
I’m running to your side
Flying my white flag, my white flag

My love where are you?
My love where are you?
Whenever you’re ready
Can we surrender?
Whenever you’re ready
Can we surrender?
Can we surrender?

Can we surrender?
Can we surrender?
Can we surrender?
Can we surrender?
I surrender

Published by Specious Coda-Bishop

Blogger, Youtuber, Nerd.

One thought on “For you, always

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