It’s been about seven months since my last womb update. That’s because it’s been mostly uneventful since I started taking the GnRH analogue, all of my symptoms got replaced with menopausal ones. Hot sweats, mood swings (not bad ones mind you), all of that good stuff. It’s been rather quiet and blissful since it all happened. I had a few blips here and there – mainly in the beginning of myself, and my body came to terms with the changes that were going on in my body. But, we adjusted and got on well. For a time I was even able to take on full-time work.
I knew that this wasn’t going to be an entirely permanent solution, and today I committed to that fact. I decided I would get my coil removed and came off the GnRH. Go back to square one and start over. This is to establish a couple of things.
- To check what state my periods are now; if there has been any resets with my period and if they’re going to be “normal” now.
- To give my body a chance to display more physical symptoms – as the GnRH analogue is an Endometriosis treatment (and it’s worked so well) my consultant wants to see it for herself.
So this will mean a hysterectomy will come January/February.
So, I decided to be brave about it and trust that I’ll survive the next few months. If I have done 15 + years of it, six months shouldn’t be too bad. (Famous. Last. Words.) Either way, I have to try. I have to know if there is anything physically there that is causing all of this pain and excess bleeding. The only way I’m going to be able to do that is if I put myself in this situation again.
Don’t get me wrong; it feels stupid. It feels silly that I’m doing this. Especially since I got the coil out today and it. Got. stuck. *STUCK* so my consultant had to like rip it out of me. I screamed. Splintor even said afterwards – he’s seen me non-scream with pain (doubled down – unable to scream) but not a real scream from my lungs. The pain and just the sheer feeling of being distressed made me have my doubts immediately. But I know I need to be strong.
It’s hard being strong when there is so much that happened in the last three weeks. I had to get a lump from my breast removed, and that was pretty scary. I’m still waiting for the results from that because they didn’t think they’d have to send that away but they did. So, we’ll wait and see. I’m not super worried about it if I’m honest, the results of it anyway.
I think everything has happened a bit too fast for me to process things. Even Splintor said, particularly about the coil today, that I hadn’t spoken to him about it before the visit. Usually, I would. Usually, I would have told someone. But, my brain isn’t doing consulting with other humans right now. Right now I think it’s barely keeping me functioning and trying not to overload itself.
I feel the emotion weight of the news looming in my mind over the last few weeks. It’s like a sensation of someone looking at you from behind. But, there is a disconnect to my head wanting just not to acknowledge or tell the rest of us what it’s thinking instead of just doing. I’d like my head to stop doing. All of its doing is causing me a lot of sleeplessnesses, and I’d like to get my head to go to sleep. Just to stop just for a little while because everything is going to be okay. Endometritis or Cancer. We’ll be okay.
We always are.